I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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