It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
