For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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