Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
