Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The chlamydia really affected his face.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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