We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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