My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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