just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
