yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
false alarm. still invincible.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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