I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's the barista slut.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
