Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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