look no pants
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
