he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize