Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
