I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
