hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
