Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
