I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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