Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I see more hoeing in ur future
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