I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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