You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
