New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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