I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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