i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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