real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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