you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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