"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
