worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
