I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
