he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD