toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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