If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
