who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
