I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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