god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
