I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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