I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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