I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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