I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
