let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
