therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
