well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
