if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
