My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
