two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
