Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
