Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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