Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
