saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
