just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
