Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
