im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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