I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
