I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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