you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
