I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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