What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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