good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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