areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
