I think I died a long time ago.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
