I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
