My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
