I'm jealous of your bromance
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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