He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Randomize
