Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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