i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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