mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
