I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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