just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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