never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
