Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
