Jerry, you need to find god
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
