My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
