I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
