he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize