Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
