tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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