Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
