Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
