hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
