and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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