He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize