I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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