Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
