I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
