I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
