i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
