9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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