foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
