Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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